2005 Year in Review

We had relatives staying at our house this year.

He asked what I meant by that, and I told him what had happened. He threw his arms up in disgust.
“Why are you down here making a blog entry?” He said.

“You see that crack in the air,” I said, pointing up.

By now, your companion will have disappeared. You will not see him again until the living meet the dead at last and for all of time.

This scared them, and I think that’s good, because if they are scared of dead people, they are more likely to get into the spirit of appeasing them with luminary candles.

People think you’re stupid for no reason.

“So, Adam, if you could have dinner with any five people, living or dead, who would they be?”

Claudio suggested I get some barbed wire around my bicep, but I explain to him about how barbed wire made it easy to fence off large sections of grassland, and made the cowboy way of life obsolete.

I have decided that I will write my memoir in short installments, and that I will post them here, to whet the public’s appetite while I wait for a publisher to sign me

“One good line I have so far is when Tigger says, ‘Yeah, all of us went a little crazy… but most of all Winnie the Pooh.”

So I said to myself, “this man is dangerous, don’t underestimate him.”

Puppets don’t understand life and death.

I got a call from him one day, about a week after the ‘02 race.
“Lance, great to hear from you,” I said.
“Four times, baby!” he said.
“A 4-peat,” I mumbled, humoring him.

I put the ram in the rama-lama-ding-dong, then all of a sudden I pulled it out and held it above my head, screaming that I would destroy it if all my demands were not met.

I came in third, ultimately.

“When you milk the cow yourself you have so much more control. You go to a store, you’ve basically got whatever milk the store wants you to buy. I don’t want the store to tell me what milk I drink.”

When Pizza Hut called me up to ask my advice about how to revolutionize the pizza industry, I told them it was too late, they’d taken the medium as far as it could go.

A lot of my friends actually call me “Grizzly Adam”, since my name is Adam and I have that sort of unspoken brotherhood with all of God’s manifold creations.

This is pretty much exactly the premise of the dream sequence in Target of Death, except instead of a glass elevator in a fancy hotel you’ve got Colin Farrell trapped in a phone booth talking on the telephone.

Looking back, I think the day that sparrow died was the day I stopped being a boy, and started becoming a man.

A couple months later, I got a letter. It was from my right arm.

And he was saying, “This is like an Elven sword, this is like an Elven sword.” Finally I just said, “Boromir… calm down, dude.”

If there’s one thing I love, it’s shredding some fine powder with my extreme gang (shout outs!) and basically just chillin and having a good time being 18-25 years old.

When they dug us out later, we all told the same story about how the janitor had killed him, for we were all in it together now.

“Into thine arms, Mother of God, I commend this sinner who has sinned!”