I was hanging out with Boromir today, basically because I was bored and I didn’t want to go to the mall all by myself and look like a dork wandering around. So I called him up, and he said he wasn’t doing anything all day, except later he had to pick up his sister at the airport. He has one of those new Pontiac Vibes, with the two-prong electrical plug-in, so I was like, “hey, let’s take your car and I’ll plug in my toaster and make some toast for you on the way,” and he said sure, that would be “hilarious”. It turns out he actually thought I was serious and was kind of bummed out when I didn’t bring the toaster.

He was all, “Adam, do you realize how rad it would be if we were just stopped at a red light, eating toast? That would freak everybody out!” I felt bad about it, and on the way to the mall I got to thinking that he probably bought the car partially to do stuff like that, and I started feeling really sad all of a sudden. So I tried to cheer him up, and I was like, “So Boromir, this new car is pretty rad.”

Later we’re in the mall and he pulls me into Spartan Cutlery, where they sell the knives and replica swords. He started giggling like crazy and he asked one of the clerks if he could hold the replica of the Green Destiny sword from Crouching Tiger. Then he looked at it closely and pretended to check the balance and everything, and I just rolled my eyes. He even started swinging the sword around in the store, not slow, but like.. really fast. And he was saying, “This is like an Elven sword, this is like an Elven sword.” Finally I just said, “Boromir… calm down, dude.”

And I heard the clerks laughing as we left the store. Again I felt kind of sad for him. He looked really kind of pitiful and everything.

As we were walking to the other side of the mall he was looking at my watch.

He said: “Wow, that’s a really nice watch. How long have you had it?”
I said: “For like a year. I got it at Christmas.”
He sort of paused and then said, “My kingdom is beset by the forces of Sauron.”
And I was like, “I know, it sucks. Seriously. I’m sorry.”
He said: “With a watch like that I could free my people.”
I said: “Is that what this is about? Dude…”
He shook his head: “Nah, I just… You know?”
I said: “Are you sure? I would give it to you…”
He said: “Nah, it’s cool… I’ll just… I dunno. It’s tough.”