First there was butter, then Margarine, then I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter, but now, finally, there’s Go Ahead and Tell Me It’s Not Butter, Go Ahead Chickenshit, I Dare You. Look for the yellow container with the picture of the angry drunk shaking his fist in impotent rage.

He can’t hurt you though. Don’t be afraid. Really, it’s a very good spread. You can put it on anything. See how smooth it is, how it melts on warm toast? And you can cook with it like butter, but it is lower in cholesterol than Margarine. The only thing is, don’t be afraid of that guy on the container, he’s just drunk, he won’t even remember it tomorrow.

Actually, he’s a really cool guy, he just is having some problems and, you know… basically he’s letting off some steam.

Butter is full of fat, Margarine is a chemical obscenity, and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter has been linked to the presence of Fabio; are these things you want to put in your body? Go Ahead and Tell Me It’s Not Butter, Go Ahead Chickenshit, I Dare You is the only spread approved by the FDA as part of a heart-healthy diet, and I can personally vouch for the guy on the container. You would like him if you got to know him, seriously.