Are we really better off with Octopus Robots? I ask you this question sincerely. Please consider the following:

Certainly, our society has benefited from the presence of Octopus Robots in many areas. In the medical fields, lives are daily saved by Octopus Robots working alongside traditional surgeons and nurses in hospitals around the country, and due to their eight extremely well-engineered arms, these robots are able to perform delicate surgical procedures with the deftness and precision of even the most expert human doctor. We have all read newspaper stories about Octopus Robots who have arrived at the scene of an accident even before ambulances, and using their eight powerful arms, removed trapped victims from within and underneath vehicles, then subsequently repaired their injuries on-scene.

And no one is arguing that Octopus Robots do not provide ostensible advantages in other ways. For some reason that nobody understands, Octopus Robots are able to answer any yes or no question instantaneously. This property not only has immense research potential for the future, but has already led to the discovery and invention of many new scientific wonders that promise to shape the coming century.

Really, who is doubting that Octopus Robots have uses in areas such as dangerous rescue missions, hazardous materials handling, and law enforcement? Home construction takes hours instead of months, when a swarm of Octopus Robots, somehow sensing that a project is about to begin, alights on a building site and immediately begins to saw, hammer, hoist and spackle. I myself am living in a 3-bedroom home built with almost zero labor costs for a mere thirty thousand dollars in materials. These are all very good things.

And even in mundane tasks, the presence of these strange metallic cephalopods has proven a boon. The quality of life for elderly and disabled persons, for instance, has drastically increased since Octopus Robots became ubiquitous. Things like meal preparation, medication, laundry, cleaning, and home repair are now performed almost exclusively by Octopus Robots, totally removing the exorbitant cost of live-in caregivers and providing greater independence for millions around the world…

But isn’t it pretty fucking creepy that they just sort of showed up one day? I mean, who made them, and what for? Why is it that you can ask them if you’re going to die on a certain day and they will tell you “yes” or “no”, but if you ask them “were you created by satan” they will just sit there, tentacles dangling like the fingers on a corpse, staring at you with that one little eye?

For that matter, why do they follow you around wherever you go? Sure, they’ll be right there to carry your groceries for you without even being asked, but… but… well, haven’t you ever woken up in the middle of the night and seen them there, perched at the foot of the bed, and just started crying? Come on! I can’t be the only one who doesn’t trust these things! Can I?

Well?